A Herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo and, when the herd is
hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills off brain cells. Naturally, the
alcohol attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. As a result, regular consumption
of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine....

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the
back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he
returns to the bar and orders three more pints.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it... It would taste
better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in
Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink
this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it at that.
The Irishman soon becomes a regular in the bar, always ordering three pints and
drinking them in turn.
One day, though, the Irishman approaches the bartender and orders only two pints. All
the other regulars notice this and fall silent.
When the Irishman returns to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't
want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."